On The Back Burner

There will always be some aspect of life that doesn’t get the attention it needs.  Things that stay on “the back burner”.  Finishing a book, organizing the hall closet, exercise, etc.  If you’re normal, you have plenty of projects that you can’t get to.  I know I do!

Recently, something very important has made its way to that position of low priority and attention.  We haven’t been able to give it the time and focus it deserves.

It’s our marriage.

So many demands – like piles of dishes, cooking, laundry, a crying baby, work, sleep – were all taking our time.  None of them seemed like something that could be ignored, so “us time” got pushed out.  To the back burner.  Honestly, it’s just one of those seasons where time with my husband is hard to come by.  And we were desperately struggling from the lack of time together.

So this Sunday afternoon, we did something that should drive every clean-freak, organized, get-everything-done, don’t-rest-until-it’s finished kind of person crazy.  We walked out on the huge piles of laundry and dishes (probably the biggest we have ever had!) and chose to sit on the couch in our pjs and watch a movie together.  I’ll admit it was a bit hard to completely focus – the kitchen was a disaster and I had no idea if Ben would have clean clothes for work the next day.  But for that afternoon, all the things that seemed so important just had to move to the back burner.  Spending time together was the biggest priority.

What about you?

Is your marriage getting all the attention and effort it deserves?  What is something in your life that can be dealt with later so you can focus on your marriage for a bit?

Remember that there are always tasks that won’t be completed, and that’s okay.  Sometimes there aren’t enough hours in the day.  Just make sure you have your priorities in the right order.  It won’t matter if your list is checked off when your heart is empty.  Keep your marriage off the back burner!

Marriage Tips After 19 Kids

Duggar Family Marriage LessonsRecently, Ben and I have been watching seasons of 19 Kids and Counting.  I love that family!  They are so different from other families in such a uniquely strange and attractive way.  In the way the treat each other, deal with difficult decisions, keep purity as a family goal, and the loving climate of their home, they are a family worth learning from.  It’s rare today for families to enjoy each other that much and have parents still in love and committed to each other.

What we have watched from this wonderful family has inspired our marriage and the way we want our home to feel.  I think the biggest take-aways deal with the emotional climate and environment of what a home can look like.   [Read more…]

Is Venting Helpful? – Marriage Myths

The junk food of relationships.  Venting is more dangerous than you think!  realmarriedlife.comI used to think venting helped reduce the weight of a problem.  Sometimes you just need to blow off some steam, right?  Nobody should expect me to be courteous all of the time.  I need to complain behind their back so I don’t end up doing it to their face.

Then I realized that when I vented or complained about someone, it changed the way I interacted with them.  If I spent time griping or “blowing off steam” about someone, I always ended up treating them worse when I was around them later. Less respect, less patience, less love. . .  The very thing I thought could help drove a wedge between us.  I wasn’t actually dealing with the problem.  Instead I was focusing on [Read more…]

How Much Time Should You Spend Together A Week?

For couples to have a healthy relationship, what is the amount of time they should spend together each week?How much time should you and your spouse spend together in the course of a week?  Like real, quality time.  How much time do you need?

It’s a good question, and you will find varying answers from people in varying life phases.  From personal experience, I know 20 minutes a day doesn’t cut it.  And then I think back to when we were dating in college and couldn’t get enough of each other.  It wouldn’t be uncommon [Read more…]

Same Marriage, Second Chance

Recovering from an affair to craft a beautiful marriageWhen Debbie met Greg, she loved that he was successful, determined, hard working, and smart.  It seemed that he could fix anything.  Throughout their dating relationship she admired his incredible knowledge and financial wisdom.  After dating a couple of years, they married.

I met Debbie a couple of years ago.  Ever since then, I have admired her as an excellent communicator and teacher, active in ministry and committed to changing lives.  This is her story… [Read more…]

A Yearly Plan to Schedule Quality Marriage Time

A Yearly Plan to Schedule Quality Time With Your Spouse - a plan for daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly time together.Time seems to be a big marriage problem.  Coordinating schedules, finding consistency, and freeing time of interruptions all make it difficult for a couple to maintain their friendship and romantic connection.  Our busy lifestyles have drastically reduced our ability to spend quality time connecting with our spouse.

Here’s how it happens:   [Read more…]