Marriage Myths: “My Soul Mate”

Marriage Myths:  Should you really expect your spouse to be your soul mate?  Article about marriage from

My husband is not my soul mate.

That’s right – two people that are best friends, serve each other, and genuinely enjoy marriage are not soul mates.  When I stop trying to make him complete me or be the only source for my happiness, I give us both a lot of freedom.

Now our decision to marry was guided on many levels – prayerfully, in the counsel of each other’s friends and family, and from mentors far wiser than us.  I am so sure of my love for him and his for me, and I am so glad that we married and share a life together.  But does this mean that I think we just landed in each other’s laps, destined to be together because he was the only one on earth capable of completing me?

There are a lot of myths surrounding marriage and the pursuit of marriage that set couples up for a life of blame, unhappiness, and disappointment.

But there’s a better way. Marriage is not about finding “the one”, it’s not about finding someone to make you happy, and it’s not about finding that perfect little piece of humanity to make your world a better place. More than any of that, marriage is about two people who decide to be selfless, learn to grow, and learn to serve someone besides themselves. And a lifetime of that kind of commitment is something worth pursuing.

A great article titled There is no such thing as “The One” came out this week from blogger Tyler Ward, which features an interview with Gary Thomas, the author of Sacred Marriage.  Read the article and watch the ten minute interview to hear them cover three of the myths that people, millennials in particular, believe about marriage.

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  1. Excellent Post, Jo! Filled with such truth! Thanks for this!!!

    • Thanks, Darby! I think one of my favorite parts of the interview with Gary Thomas is the information on Plato’s work. Who knew that the idea of a soul-mate was rooted in Greek mythology all along?

  2. I’m with you on the “soul mate” myth… Robert and I have been married almost 3 decades, and as much as we value our relationship, we both agree that our souls are involved with Christ! Thanks for sharing that interview.

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