Have you ever been around a couple in a disagreement that made you feel incredibly uncomfortable? It’s not fun. Chances are they weren’t being nice. Instead…
- They raised their voices
- Interrupted each other
- Spoke sarcastically
- Made fun of their spouse
When Ben and I dated, we rarely fought. Mostly, we were so infatuated it was hard to conceive of the other doing wrong. But that aside, Ben was great at leading us. He never raised his voice, but addressed issues in concern for both of us. His example was easy to follow. Our disagreements were calm and slow, allowing time to use our maturity. As time has passed, like any couple we’ve been challenged and failed at times. So from experience, I can tell you it is worth the hard work in self-control and communication. Seriously.
It’s easy to get distracted in a fight. You want to be heard and defend your side. You want an apology! But what do you REALLY WANT more than that? You want THEM – the absolute love of your life. But in the middle of a fight, that gets lost. No more nice.
It doesn’t have to be this way! You don’t have to be that couple.
Here’s the real married life challenge – when you disagree and fight, BE NICE.
- Talk calm and slow as you get to the bottom of it.
- Don’t give into the anger or drama.
- Don’t say mean things you have to apologize for later.
If you and your spouse believe in prayer, stop and pray over each other. Sometimes it’s really uncomfortable. I don’t want to because it means I have to stop acting childish. But God always comes through and helps us clean up the argument.
Will you take up the Be Nice challenge?
Talk about it and work on it – together. And hopefully before your next fight. Don’t get discouraged with each other, because these are hard habits to break! But remember the simple secret of how to fight well and be nice.
Resource to Check Out: Mark and Grace Driscoll in a sermon podcast called Taking Out the Trash. It’s about disagreements and how to keep them from getting the best of your marriage. It’s also the title of a chapter in their book – which I love – called Real Marriage. Their wisdom is incredible, and this book has become my go-to for a wedding gift.
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