When You Don’t Have Enough Time For Each Other

How to keep your marriage going when life is too crazyWe are in one of those seasons where our schedules are interfering with our marriage.  A few weeks ago, I posted about how many hours of quality time you should spend with your spouse.  Read the article here, but I’ll give it away – 15 hours is the magic number.  Right now in the Cross home, the 15 hours isn’t happening.  And we can tell!  So what should you do in seasons like that?

1.  Don’t Settle

Even though it may feel hopeless, and you’re not sure when you will find time together, don’t give up on the idea.  Make large amounts of time what you strive for as a normal week, and refer to those busy seasons as abnormal.  Don’t resign to the fact it will always be this way.  Keep that priority on your mind as the goal for your marriage.

2.  Work on Your Calendar

Right now, it’s tough for us to make 15 hours work.  So we need to look ahead on our calendar and make some appointments for each other in the coming weeks.  That may mean canceling some things.  And it may mean planning time a few months out.  Whatever is necessary to get us back on track.  The best part about putting it on the calendar is the anticipation. Just having time in our schedule for each other is like a light at the end of the tunnel.  I love anticipating my time with Ben!  Read Anticipation is Half the Fun for more ideas.

3.  Rely on Other Ways to Show Love

If your schedules are crazy for a time or one of you is traveling, the 15 hours can’t happen.  So in the meantime, you need to strengthen your connection in other ways.

If you’re familiar with the 5 Love Languages, you’ll remember that quality time is one.  In these busy seasons, you can lean on the other four in your relationship:  acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

Get creative in how you will nurture your marriage in busy seasons.  Text and email throughout the day.  When you do have time to talk, make the words as meaningful as possible.  Send little gifts in their suitcase or lunch.  Spend the time your have apart serving one another – like taking care of things around the house so your spouse won’t have to when they return home.

Every week won’t be perfect.  But when we can show our spouse how much they matter – especially in the busy seasons – our marriages will be stronger for it.

What ideas do you have for love when life is crazy?


  1. Visiting today from Messy Marriage, and so glad I did! I love your action steps for making time with our spouse, even in the busy seasons we can purpose ourselves to make every moment count.
    Shannon Payne (@SimplySaidMom) recently posted…Praise-Worthy WordsMy Profile

  2. Stacy Small says:

    As someone who has been married for nearly 15 years, in a fantastic marriage, I’m not sure I agree with the 15 hours a week. When children come into a family it’s a huge game changer. HUGE. 15 hours a week is a rare exception. Especially when children are toddlers the exhaustion factor is unbelieveable, even finding 15 hours is nearly impossible. Unless sleep counts. Our kids are older now and we’ve gained some breathing room. Still, 15 hours would be difficult to find. But, the 15 minutes a day spent praying together? Glue. It holds us.

    • I agree, 15 hours is difficult to find. Check out the article before this about why 15 hours is the goal and why successful marriages have it in common. When I can across the research, it did sound like a lot – especially for some seasons of life. But the findings of the research were too important to ignore and we decided we would make that our goal no matter where life takes us. You can also check out more about this when you read Dr. Harley’s book His Needs, Her Needs. He has great advice on how to keep your marriage strong through the years. It’s a great read!

  3. Hopping over from Mom’s the Word blog hop! You’re so right about scheduling time out. It can seem so business-like, but we schedule time with our friends sometimes a month in advance, or more! Our spouse relationships are more important. I’ll have to start scheduling time with the husband when we’re in a busy period, like we are now!
    Shannen recently posted…Screen Time Sanity with TV TicketsMy Profile

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